Eye Contact - An important nonverbal channel for communication and connecting with other people

Eye Contact - An important nonverbal channel for communication and connecting with other people

By Vadim Kotelnikov, Founder, Ten3 BUSINESS e-COACH, 1000ventures.com
"The cheapest, most effective way to connect with others is to look them in the eye." – Nicholas Boothman

Why Eye Contact?
There's an old myth if you won't look at me I can't trust you. It might be true, might be not. But if they believe it, it's true!
Eye is one of the most important nonverbal channels you have for communication and connecting with other people. "The cheapest, most effective way to connect with people is to look them into the eye."1 Eyes are not only the "window to the soul", they also answer the critical questions when you are trying to connect:
Is he paying attention to what I'm saying?
Does this person find me attractive?
Does this person like me?1
Cultural Differences
Source: "Language Is More than Just Words", Alix Henley & Judith Schott
In some cultures, looking people in the eye is assumed to indicate honesty and straightforwardness; in others it is seen as challenging and rude. Most people in Arab cultures share a great deal of eye contact and may regard too little as disrespectful. In English culture, a certain amount of eye contact is required, but too much makes many people uncomfortable. Most English people make eye contact at the beginning and then let their gaze drift to the side periodically to avoid 'staring the other person out'. In South Asian and many other cultures direct eye contact is generally regarded as aggressive and rude.


In some cultures and religious groups eye contact between men and women is seen as flirtatious or threatening. Men of these communities who do not make eye contact with women are not usually rude or evasive, but respectful.
Different cultures also vary in the amount that it is acceptable to watch other people. Some experts call these high-look and low-look cultures. British culture is a low-look culture. Watching other people, especially strangers, is regarded as intrusive. People who are caught 'staring' usually look away quickly and are often embarrassed. Those being watched may feel threatened and insulted. In high-look cultures, for example in southern Europe, looking or gazing at other people is perfectly acceptable; being watched is not a problem. When people's expectations and interpretations clash, irritation and misunderstandings can arise.

NLP Solutions: Eye Cues


The eyes can give valuable clues about how a person thinks. People have different mental maps
which drive their behavior. Kinesthetic people tend will to look down more, while visuals spend
more time looking up, and auditories look sideways. "This is because they each favor one sense to code and store general information as well as express it," writes Nicholas Boothman.1 "If you asked, "How was the Stones concert?" a visual would first remember how how it looked, an auditory how it sounded, and a kinesthetic how it felt. But eye cues can tell you more than who you're dealing with; they can also tell you what you're dealing with." When people look up and right, they are probably constructing, or making up, their answer. When they look up and left, they are more than likely remembering it.1